You never know what people are going through, and nothing has proven this to me more than going through something myself. Since getting home from South Africa a few weeks ago I have been waking up every morning with intense headaches. They’re concentrated behind my right eye. It seems like the top two-thirds of the right side of my nose gets sealed shut sometime during the night and pressure begins to build behind my eye. Sometimes it's more along my eyebrow and it's bad but a little more tolerable. But sometimes, the pain is right in my eyeball and I go almost completely crazy with pain. Many mornings during this most recent series of headaches the pain has been maddening - and lately they've been coming on at night too. I can’t hold still but moving around doesn’t help. I can’t stand the light but being in the dark isn’t any better. For the past 10 years or so this has been a recurring event with me. I've had stretches of years with no pain, but it's back with a vengance now. I've been to doctors in several different states in hopes of getting some medical intervention. For those that really know me, you know what a move of desperation that was. One time, I started to tell him what was going on, but I was actually being throttled by pain at the time and couldn’t even think straight. He told me everything I’ve heard before – use saline solution to irrigate your sinuses, sleep with a vaporizer going, drink plenty of fluids – blah, blah, BLAH! Did you hear me say I’ve battled this over the past 10 years? I’ve tried the frigging saline solution, Doc! Now remember, most days, it is totally debilitating. I can’t function until I get some relief from the pain. So this creates a lot of explaining about why I don’t answer my phone before 9:30, or why I got up and left in the middle of a meeting. And the explaining sets off an endless string of remedies and stories from other people who claim to have, "gone through the exact same thing." Okay, I’ve written all that just to say this: People want someone to listen to them. Throughout this ordeal, I’ve found myself longing to just be able to explain to someone how I feel. I want to be able to talk to a specialist or a doctor who will LISTEN TO ME, and begin to care for the uniqueness of my situation. I don’t want to be treated like the last person who came in complaining of sinus pressure. Don’t tell me I have seasonal allergies – tell me what I’m allergic to. Are you getting the parable? I am more convinced than ever that one of the greatest failures of the church is our unwillingness to listen to people. We already know how to fix them so why would we care to hear the unique details of their story? If you have ears to hear it, you’ll notice the way people try to tell you their story long before you’ve even given them reason to believe you’d listen. They are so lonely, feeling like no one understands the way they feel, that they will start spilling their guts to almost anyone. This is a vicious cycle because each person they tell that does not truly listen only perpetuates the isolation and the heartache. They go through life feeling as if no one knows and no one understands so they begin to believe that no one cares. One time, when I was about 6, I thought I was lost in a shopping mall department store. I grabbed onto the hand of guy next to me and then looked up in horror to see that it was not my dad. I hadn't realized that my dad had walked around to the other side of the row of clothes and in my panic, dashed over to the nearest cash register. I started describing my dad as best I could and frantically telling this young cashier that I was separated from him. After listening to my description of the guy I called, "Dad," the cashier simply pointed over my shoulder. I turned to see my dad, walking up and only a few steps behind me. I think as we get better at listening to people, we'll begin to recognize who they are describing. God, please make me into a listener. Give me ears to hear what the people around me are really saying. Open my heart to bear their burdens. Amen. *NOTE - I submitted this (without the most recent updates to my ongoing headache battle) as an article in January of 2008 and am horrified to see how badly I still need to be a better listener! 
You can reach Scott by email at scottjbane@gmail.com | 
