As I was re-reading Brian Mclaren’s illuminating chapter on the subject of fasting in Finding Our Way Again, he was explaining the impact that the spiritual practice of fasting has made in his life.  Mainly, he found that as he intentionally said “no” to some of his desires and impulses for a time, it has had a cumulative effect that has enabled him to say “no” to the larger temptations in life. One of those temptations he found himself facing was in desiring to respond harshly to critics of his writings and theology.  

Here’s what he wrote:  

“I think back to last week, when someone sent me a link to a website where a critic of my work indulged in some high-flying religious character assassination.  My reaction to being misrepresented, insulted, and mocked was quite literally visceral.  I felt something tighten in my gut, strangely similar in some ways to the craving for a chocolate-covered glazed doughnut.  I started thinking about ways I could get back at this fellow, things I could write that would prove to him and to all virtual reality who the better man is.  It was a kind of hunger…for revenge, I’m ashamed to say, and for self-justification, and to win and to hurt rather than lose and be hurt.  And sitting here now, I wonder if my ability to let that feeling go last week didn’t have something to do with letting five hundred calories drop behind the Thank You sign on a trash can door one day.  A little practice at impulse control, a little practice at facing my weakness, a little practice at laughing at my pretensions to maturity and spirituality, and a new possibility was actualized…thanks to a tradition carried by a community, embodied in some mentors who shared “elbow knowledge” with me.  They say that practice makes perfect, but I wouldn’t know about that.  What I do know is that practice makes possible some things that would otherwise have been impossible.”   

Reading through Brian’s gained wisdom gives me hope that over the next 20 or 30 years in ministry, I will be able to make the same wise decision to respond graciously as well and not satisfy my carnal urges for revenge. As I thought through this I realized that thanks to Out of Ur and a whole host of other bloggers, Perry Noble has come to serve as a contrast to the kind of graciousness of which Mclaren wrote.   

I write this not to indict Perry Noble, for I do not know him, nor do I fully understand the stress that he is under as a leader in a large church.  But it seems from the videos that he has not been able to say no to the temptation to respond to critics in a way that would be described as “less than generous”.  As I read Brian’s description about what he initially desires to do but refrained from; namely, “getting back” at his critic, “proving to him who the better man is”, “seeking revenge”, “self-justification”, “having a desire to win”, I couldn’t stop thinking of those words describing adequately what Perry Noble has been seeking by videotaping his responses to critics and then posting them on YouTube the following week.   

And sadly, while there are plenty of other venues available when you fall into the trap of feeling the need to justify yourself, he has chosen to use the stage from which God has given him the responsibility of preaching His Word on Sundays.  I think once you start using the “pulpit” to respond to public critics and bloggers, the church ceases to be about a gathered community of Christ-followers worshiping together, and more about a pastor dealing with the hurt that comes from critics taking shots.  Sunday morning is far from the ideal platform to respond to critics and unfortunately it is on those mornings where his videos have gone from ironic and embarrassing (talking bad about pastors who talk bad about pastors from the stage), to straight up self-justification (scoreboard).  No doubt, as pastors we all need to process the hurt and anxiety that comes from critics, some of which are more justified in their opinion that others.  But that place doesn’t come on Sunday morning in a sermon.  It comes from trusted mentors and spiritual friends who will help us process why the critics’ voice feels so destructive to our soul.   

And in processing the contrast of Mclaren and Noble this week, my prayer is that I will have the ability to say no to those urges that rise up within me as a pastor to seek recognition, attention, justification, and self-worth from the ministry that Jesus has commissioned me with and instead look to the person of Jesus himself who tells me that my worth and value come from what he has done through his death and resurrection and are ultimately found in God alone.

Dustin Bagby lives in Portland, OR, blogs at  www.dustball.blogspot.com, is married to his beautiful wife Kelli, is a huge Chicago Bears and Cubs fan, and is a teaching pastor at The Evergreen Community.